I miss tulips. I miss going to the farmers market and buying fresh flowers for the week. I miss my strolls in grocery stores for pleasure. I miss meeting friends and cooking meals for them. I miss my work place. I miss stopping by at Tara’s school and enjoying with the kids at pick up time in the playground. I miss hugging Tara’s friends. I miss going to restaurants and meeting strangers. I miss chats with my weekend helper. I miss running to 1oz coffee on weekends. I miss travel. I miss feeling normal. I miss my friends. I miss the life I got so used to that I never questioned its purpose. And I miss Papa. He just made it easier to deal with things like this.
I love that we don’t have to rush out the door every morning. I love that we have breakfast together. I love board games, paintings, activities with Tara. I love eves dropping on Tara’s virtual circle time. I love listening to Tara’s voice in the middle of my work day. I love Agam helping me with laundry. I love how peaceful our life is when we don’t feel rushed and we are not always on the edge. I love our evening walks in the neighborhood. I love cooking meals for my family. I love extended chats with Tara. I love teaching Tara spellings. I love to write books with her. I love reading books to her. I love watching family movies together. I love how there is more to each day than auto pilot operations. I love spending these months with Tara before she goes to school in August. I love that this phase gave me an opportunity to seek balance that I lost 15 years ago.
Although I know I will miss all of this when this phase is over and we go back to our normal routines. I love the fact that I am not in denial of that.