where am i at?

I don’t know when my life just took over me and I did not even realize. So these days I am in realignment phase. I am bringing the center of my universe back to its core. And selfish as I am, the core is me. I am the core.

It has been ages since I last wrote here. And it was something I wanted to do religiously. But like I said, I was not in control of where things were going and in the 6am-10pm day that I have chalked out for myself. I do not find enough time for this.

I wonder if I make it so complicated or if it is this complicated. I am not sure. I have quit on some of my most loved habits. I am not reading as much. I am not cooking new things. I am not traveling either.  There are just two things that I am doing – working and making sure the  machinery around that work schedule is well oiled. There is food to eat, a clean house to live in and clean clothes to wear.

And may be thats all one should expect from one self. All other things are just bells and whistles. If I am sounding like I am complaining I AM NOT. I am super satisfied with the way things are. Especially at work. I am thrilled to get up and go to work and solve more challenges every day. I am absolutely loving the responsibility thrown at me every single day. I am also loving the accolades that come with it. I am perfectly fine doing that, if at all life was just about doing that.

Now if you ask me to find the same level of happiness anywhere else outside of work right now. Well that’s tough. I am not into big parties, so that does not give me any joy. I like meeting friends over meals. And I don’t mind if I cook those meals. I find happiness in that but thats temporary. It goes away when people leave. I find a lot of joy in my companion. But again we are both equally busy getting the most out of the 24 hours we have. And apart from that I am not seeking any joy from any other avenues at this point. I don’t know if that is bad.

It makes weekends really tough. So far I try not to touch my work laptop on the weekend. But then I fill these weekends up with chores and get tired of those by the end of it. There is cooking and cleaning on Sundays, an occasional  movie, a meal with friends and that’s about it. Come Monday and I am off to my land of puzzles and people problems and sprint planning and program operations. I find more joy there than the weekend. And may that’s not how it is suppose to be. But thats how it is today.

May be it will change with time. May be not..But I am finding joy in what I have..so from the perspective of all new age philosophies – I am doing just fine.

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