Since I’ve come back from Europe, I have been playing a crisis wrangler. From one crisis to another. One disappointment to another. One blocker to another. One leap of growth to another. One mountain of hope to another. One stride outside my comfort zone to another.

I am rolling down a hill, and climbing up a summit all at the same time. These two weeks can very well be the metaphor for life as it is lived and experienced by each one of us.

The difference in me is very evident. I’m pushing a system forward with all the force I have got in me. I have my oxygen mask on. I am putting myself first. I am asking for help. I am being vulnerable. I am putting myself out there and taking risks.

I am growing. I am exhausted. I understand now why babies are cranky when they are experiencing growth leaps in their body and mind. I am just that baby right now. It’s difficult to empathize with myself. So I don’t know how others are dealing with me right now.

I am cranky. I have my claws out. To protect myself more than anything. But at least, I am taking care of myself.

I had a day at work this week when I didn’t know when it started and I was too sad that it ended. I have not had a day like that since a few years. It gave me enough joy to go back and revisit those depths the next day. This was a day of collaboration. I put my idea out there, others chimed in. We built upon the vision. I felt good. I felt alive.

Next moment I swam back into the grey ocean of political theories, conspiracies, unsaid untold agendas. I swam right through that grey. Patted the water off my back, to go ahead and dive deep back into logic. My safe place. My harbor.

Overcoming the writers block was harder this time. But look at me, I am free flowing again… I am growing again.