Dichotomy

I was called – a charismatic leader, natural leader, born to lead, and an inclusive team lead. I cannot share this with anyone or anywhere but here. I want to write it down – because I identify with these phrases quite naturally. Not in relation to me. But to my father, who was all these things. And I saw him be this “charismatic leader who brings people together” and I never harbored a dream to be like him. Mostly because he did so much for others and no one did enough for him. And I didn’t want to be that person that just gives.

When I heard those phrases from my leadership cohort today, I humbly thanked them. And switched to my next meeting, and then next.

Then I sat down, made myself a cup of tea, looked at my father picture frame, and asked him – was I born to lead? And hence I was born to you. So I could learn from an early age?

Or I had to learn to lead, since you wouldn’t have it any other way, and you set expectations so high that while I felt like i failed you every single time, you were sharpening my axe and preparing me for a day like today.

Meanwhile today is going to be hard. Because there is a 50/50 chance that a black box group of people who don’t know me, have never met me, and know nothing about what I do, will decide, if I am capable enough to lead.

While they can decide one way or the other, it cannot diminish what I heard today from my peers. And the dichotomy of this day appalled me enough to sit and write and get this noise out of my system.

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