Measure of success

Measure of success

A day that ends with mommy in the hammock is a successful day. Despite all the noise, the drama, the politics, the disappointments and the achievements, if I can take out time to come here and put my feet up and call it a day! I’m successful.

I am a bit distracted. The news is full of commentary on Simon Biles and the stress she is dealing with. And there is part of me that is thankful that there are women leaders who will bow and take leave owing to their mental health. I did that last year. It was hurting me to be where I was. And it felt lonely and dark in my mind. I could not find refuge in people around me. I could not trust. And I left. And although I am labeled for life for taking that decision. I knew that I am answerable to no one, but myself. And my answer was I call it quits.

In many ways Simon is making the same decision. But the difference is – when you sign up to play game for the country, you are signing up for that pressure. And that’s why the critics are disappointed. But she is right. If it hurts to take the next jump, it does. And she is answerable to no one but herself. She called it quits. And we should all be proud of her.

But in reality that’s not what happens. She will live with that label for life, and she will have to be even stronger to deal with what comes next.

I’m also distracted by this other theory I am noodling on. I am the kind of employee that is in no ones inner circle. I am valued and rewarded, but I am not anyone’s go to. I am that person who likes to bring people’s circles together. They don’t merge, but I feel happy when I can just draw them closer.

My question is – is this way of being hurting me? I don’t have anyone who will go to bat for me. Because I don’t go to bat for people. I go to bat for ideas. And I feel lonely in that space. Everyone’s always siding with someone. Am I an outsider then? And it’s ok if that is the case. I want to know if that will hurt me in my career.

Strange enough, I don’t even have someone I can ask this question to. Or at least that’s how I feel right now.

So I find my measure of progression. And that is to take the time to rock in my hammock and write this post. Amen!

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