This perf cycle I experienced zero anxiety. I knew that my efforts were visible and known, and I didn’t have to worry about the interpretation of my actions and intentions.
For a change I also didn’t worry about the mapping of my ladder to my accomplishments. A good number of conversations had built my confidence in building up the narrative that I believed in. A narrative that was a true representation of my efforts.
I could trust my team to tell me directly if something needed to be discussed. I didn’t have to worry about someone’s interpretation of their feedback.
It was an anxiety free perf and for that I am so grateful. I remember a saying – “you are not a tree. If something does not work out for you, you are free to move.” And so I did. I moved because my roots were not thriving and I needed nourishment that I found someplace else.
For that one has to be grateful to this company, that has a place for anyone. And if you land in a place that’s not for you, you can always find someplace else.
For me though, this is it. I doubt there is something better for me out there. Within Google, I’ve met my match. And it took me 6 years to find it. I guess we need to keep hustling for our desired end states. Unfortunately all end states are the same 😉
Ultimately we are all just inching towards our grave every day. Sombre but true.