We’ve been doing this for 9months. It’s insane. For some reason, for the first time in these 9months I feel deprived. I don’t have another word for it. I feel cheated. As of this whole scene is staged. As if I am a spectator. The oddity of seeing the NYT add a section for Vaccines right on December 1. I mean what a sheer coincidence. Why not Dec 2 or Nov 30? The staged declaration of who the CDC thinks should get the vaccine first. It feels as if this document was written years ago, and it was scheduled to be sent on December 1. Why does this feel so fake? Why is my reaction so detached? Why does this December feel like a pain already? Why can I not resume life? Why did the world not collapse and start again instead? Why are we or taking in this staged drama unwillingly. Why does it feel like I am pulling my teeth to get simple things done? Why am I fighting this war with myself? Why are we so ungrateful to each other? Why do we still exist? Why am I losing it after enduring it for 9 months? Because in 9 months we go from an embryo to a baby. And it cannot be a coincidence that we are seeing signs of life, in the form of a vaccine, exactly 9 months from the day our world collapsed.

It was a meh kind of day. I took a walk in the afternoon to soak some sun, and even that did not feel so great. Let’s just end this meh day!

May tomorrow be a Yay! Day