Mumbo jumbo

Phase 2 of my 12 day break comes to an end tonight. It’s been 3 days already?!? Good times fly.. that’s all I can say. Tara and I haven’t been doing much but what we do, I am fully present with her in that moment.

Yesterday I spent a lovely afternoon with chai, walk and gulp-shup with a friend. So refreshing. Especially because it was mommies time out. And the kids were taken care of by the dads 🙂

I’ve made a few small habits over the last week and the goal is to pin them down before I resume work next Monday. I cannot let work become my highlight of the day. That’s what I’ve been doing wrong in the last few years. It’s a thing. Not the thing.

This 12 day break will help reinforce that sentiment. I am not turning 38 with the list of regrets and baggage that I turned 37 with. That’s for sure. Or at least, that’s my intent. So far life kept giving me chances, but what if it doesn’t anymore. And so I need to seize this chance and make most of it. It will take some strength. But it needs to be done. And I have such beautiful reasons to commit.

On another note HBR Women @ work podcast is back. And their episode on women and feedback is just too good. For the longest I’ve struggled with explaining to people my stressful relationship with positive feedback. I like to rush through it to get to the constructive part. I don’t know how to receive praise. It’s been a jarring part of all performance review conversations for me. I am disgusted by it, to tell you the truth. And this episode gave words to my feelings.

Basically – when someone gives me positive feedback I cannot discern if they are saying it because they ought to, because I am a woman, and the bar for me is so low, or do they really mean it. The only man who gave me feedback as it ought to be given was my father. He never made me feel like a girl when he gave me feedback. I crave that authenticity. And the Atta girl style doesn’t work for me. I have often come close to sharing this with my managers. But I pulled myself back – no one really cares. This is just one awkward moment let it be pass. And so I have let it pass for 15 years.

The podcast has some other golden nuggets too. Worth a listen, if you care about feedback.

Anyways, my body had been giving me a lot of feedback on my habits and I am taking it seriously – one step at a time. It’s a thing I started to appreciate after I turned 30. Your body speaks to you in ways only you can understand. Tune into it, and listen. Sometimes there is one event, sometimes a series and sometimes it’s the way you feel, after a conversation with someone, or before a conversation with someone. I use that as a measure of my compatibility with people. Did I get energy from you; or did you suck up my energy. If you sucked up my energy, was it worth your and my tome. And was it a one time event? Or are you going to keep sucking up my energy. A simple reference for simplifying relations you want to invest in, and those you need to either quit or negotiate.

A cleansed mind breeds creativity. A cluttered mind breeds negativity. How’s this haiku for some cleansing then?

A sandy canvas waits /
Dreams come rushing ashore /
Come, let’s create!

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