One day everyone leaves…

Good things first – We celebrated the third annual picnic with our loving learning link families today. It is really a fellow mom-friend’s idea. But I tag along and do what is needed to make these lovely people come together and enjoy the shade of Rengstorff Park. The kids play free, and the parents take care of each other’s kids, while enjoying well deserved breaks in between. The teachers are taken care of, and the grand parents join in and share their love with hoards of kids. It’s a very joyful event and I particularly love watching the kids grow up over the years. Tara had a wonderful time and so did we.

It is so deeply satisfying to hear other parents tell me about Tara’s influence on their kids, and I share the same. Adam taught Tara how to eat peppers and broccoli, and Tara teaches him how to be brave and gregarious. Tara also was a mentor to the little one year old Rhea, and she still hugs Ahir’s Mom when she sees her pick him up from school. Also Noah is most social and least shy when Tara is around, and she teaches Mila and Alba how to jump from high benches, without fear. It is so endearing to hear these stories. I can’t believe they are talking about my Tara πŸ˜€

I usually shy away from dropping Tara off in the morning since I get super hooked to the lovely little humans in class. But sometimes I pick her up early and spend time with her friends in the school playground. I have not done enough of that lately 😦 So I was particularly looking forward to connecting with her gang from school. I got my full today.

Next good thing is that India won a nail biting match against Afghanistan. I had totally underestimated their capability. In fact I was not even going to watch the match. But when I checked the target India had set for Afghanistan to chase, I was tempted to jump in and dropped all my plans for the morning and was glued to the match. πŸ˜€ Once again, Agam could not care less about the match. But I kept him in the loop πŸ˜›

I met Dasha in Seattle on Monday evening. It is always so refreshing to meet her. We enjoyed a nice walk in downtown and then I walked back to my empty hotel room. Quite boring. But surprisingly relaxing. Sun sets really late in Seattle, so I was finding it very hard to sleep on time and accumulated a mega sleep deficit. Overall the trip was good. I was in SEA on Monday and KIR on Tuesday. Two very different offices, in more than one respect. The thrill on Tuesday was to race to the airport to make it for my flight. I got there 20min before take off. Phew, that has not happened in a while.

I spent a lot of time thinking about my team and my work on the flight back. My little black diary and little black pen came in handy πŸ™‚ Maido has opened in Santana Row and sells OHTO pens and Mnemosyne notebooks. I am so happy to go back to my old school ways, after trying all sorts of note taking apps. My notebook and a pen, we are inseparable, again. Now I need to remember not to start scribbling on the last pages of my notebook πŸ˜‰ On that note, Gulzar is coming to Bay Area for a poetry recital.

On to sad things – Last night we went to Palo Alto downtown, just to hangout by the fountain at Lyttton Plaza. Tara has lovely memories of getting soaked in that fountain and we love going back there and telling her all about it. She is taller now so the risk of being soaked is little. She enjoyed the fountain and Agam and I criticized the open air bhajan session held by ISKCON at the plaza. I was a little disappointed. We don’t need to bring God to humans. We need humans to seek God within, in their actions and in their words. But who am I to rage that war? I was just sad that our fun Friday evening turned into a loud and noisy one.

M is retiring. I saw it coming. We grabbed lunch on Wednesday. I didn’t want to talk to him about him leaving and nudged him to help me with my side project that I really must get going on. So I did not tell him how upset I am about not having anyone anymore to run to when I have my “wait, I have a question?” moment. I have lost two mentors at work in one month. It is sad. But I know I can reach out to them whenever I want. I just don’t have them on ping. And especially with M, I cannot just run down to the 2nd floor anymore and draw him out of whatever he is doing, and make him hear me out. I learnt so much from him. Humility is a skill I am learning, thanks to him.

One day everyone leaves. That’s just how this cycle works. I know this. Yet, I stay vulnerable to it. Some day I will give in to this truth. That day, I will learn that it is not about what I got from you in the moments that I will miss. But what we created together, and how it grew both of us in ways we did not know then, but I will know and feel, and experience, in your absence moving forward.

Looking at the little kids playing in the park today I felt a sudden calm. And I scribbled something in my notebook –

I cannot hold your stare long enough; you look so deep and even beyond

Unnerved, calm, giving, and with my consent, you shake up my world

I sit there helpless, and a little restless, hoping those tranquil eyes will drift me ashore

And then I look within, deep within, and I find the anchor that you had left there, last time we talked.

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