Gloom

Let’s be honest. Nothing good has come out of this year so far. And it’s half over (almost). I don’t expect anything to come out of the next half either. I rarely sound so dejected and disappointed. But that’s just how I am feeling this week and I am not going to lie about it.

I am not able to shake off a certain feeling of gloom that set in almost eight weeks ago. It’s been a series of depressing and demotivating events and I’ve been experiencing a new low that is hard to come out of. Circumstances aren’t helping either. Truth is I am just tired, of personal, professional and emotional rollercoasters.

I am questioning and overthinking every thing. There is no trust – in people, self or the workings of the world. It’s all very brittle and flaky.

Yesterday while I was writing an email, I stopped. I read what I had typed so far and it was very inauthentic. It did not represent who I am. It was some other fake woman, being pretentious and indirect and skirting around an issue she deeply cares about . I decided not to send the email. That feeling dropped me into this mode of regret. Which is really causing all this gloom. Regret and I stay far apart. But when we meet, we cling on. I need a change of narrative. Just that this time it’s harder to come up with one.

Hopefully I will bounce back from this gloom by the time we hit the weekend. It’s just around the corner.

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