this & that & some more

Yesterday my day started with running into S as I was walking up the stairs. What a pleasant surprise! It warms up my heart to meet some people, and S is one of them. A bunch of us from the same ex-team took a selfie to celebrate the reunion after two years. Google! I tell you, is a beautiful place.

And today my day started with running into M. I complained to him about the trashy bay area weather. And he reminded me to be thankful of the roof above my head. So typical of him to act all wise. But he is wise 🙂 I just find it so easy to be a whiny kid with him. Again, Google I tell you, is a beautiful place.

I sometimes worry if these people will lead me to trading my aspirations over my emotions. Sigh – even if that happens, I will end up as a happier human. Or so I think. 

I spent a big chunk of my day addressing fears. All sorts of them. None of them were mine. But I could relate to all of them. I have experienced them myself in another life, in another role. So much of our life is about dealing with fears. And how easy it seems to solve for someone else’s fears, instead of our own. 

What are my fears? How do I address them? Do I address them? Should I address them? Will I be able to address them. I went down that path of questioning (not reasoning), on my drive back home today. But then, since I was picking up Tara today, the topic soon switched to the red party dress she needs to wear tomorrow for Valenteninezzzz day (that’s what she calls it). The party in her school, and the fact that I must attend it. Sigh! 

In a nutshell, my fear at the moment is if I am a good enough Mom, daughter, sister, wife, employee, and coach. Am I doing justice to these roles? And if not, how will I know? Good news – perf is around the corner 😛 I wonder how it would be if life had a semi annual performance review system?

On the other thread – the persistent cough is not getting any better. I coughed my lungs out today as well, and was super exhausted, today as well. But after wrapping up my meetings, right when my body was telling me to wrap up, I agreed to a light chat with a new team member. It turned out to be a fascinating conversation. It is important to know people who you work with, at a personal level. Their journey, their story. It is important. At least to me. It makes me connect with them at a whole different level. Sigh! Google! Again!

Overall it’s been a very low energy week for me. I miss my sun. I miss the warmth it provides me every day. And the way it energizes me every morning. I am done with this rain and I am done with the indoors. I am also done with this constant gloom, and lack of bloom, in my little garden. Although the grass is doing really well 🙂

I am sure the gloom will pave the way for bright sunshine soon. Perhaps next week, life in California will resume

😀

 

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