Control is an illusion. We think that as humans we have control over our mind, and thereby our actions. But the reality is that even though we might have control over the finer lines, the larger strokes on the canvas are being painted by someone else.
Sometimes this dominant player takes over, and catches us by surprise. We feel helpless. We try to re-gain control over the game. But we realize that the force on the other end is too strong to resist.
In such situations, at first you try to change the narrative. You try to look for synergies between your plan and that of the larger forces. And you convince yourself that you were actually working towards this outcome all this while. You slowly begin to trust the force you are trying to reckon with, and you decide to follow your destiny, to stop resisting, and to stop pushing so hard.
And before you know it, you are applauding yourself for making a good decision. You are back in control, and you embrace your illusions.
The more I try to control the trajectory of my life, the more it runs wild. It’s pace is astonishing. It is hard for me to catch up with its twists and turns. I make myself feel better by saying, “That’s how I like it.” Reality is that it is someone else who would rather keep me running, than just letting my soul rest, and thus perish.