I am lazy

 Today is the day of confession.

Many of my friends, relatives, and peers  often read snippets from my life and tell me that I should write. I should write a cookbook, a mommy book, a children’s book, a book about my father, and maybe another one about my observations from the streets. And I smile, like their comment, and hide behind a truth that I have known for almost 25 years. I am lazy.

I have a lot of ideas. But I don’t put them into action. The only ideas that I put into action with all my fervor and passion are those related to cooking. Cooking is the only thing I have pursued with all my love for the past ten years. I have also been writing for the same length, but my writing ideas never bear any fruit. And the reason for that is the cooking is a quick reward game. But writing is not. Writing is a laborious game. You write, edit, pitch, fail, and start again, until you find an editor interested in your work.

Cooking gives me instant rewards. A yummy lamb chop curry that I imagined on Friday, and put into works over the weekend, was gobbled up in a day. Agam’s appreciation – instant. My gratification – instant. I have no dependencies. It is a self-sustained ecosystem. Writing is not like that. It needs more time and more commitment. And I have always just given up on my writing goals since I am lazy.

Additionally, I suffer from a major impostor’s syndrome when it comes to writing. And somehow that is not the case with cooking. I actually have enough confidence in my cooking skills that I can compete for Master Chef competitions if I find the time to train. But even writing for Nanowrimo becomes a challenge for me. I take too much time wondering if my content is worth it. The ‘it’ here being the reader’s time. Murakami’s words make me “feel” every emotion his characters feel. My words don’t make me “feel”, let alone make others feel.

But I don’t give up completely. I keep writing these blog posts. And for me, they are enough. Maybe I am selling myself short. Maybe I am full of myself. I don’t know which one it is. But I know, and I confess that I am lazy. And that is the only thing between me and the first draft of my first book.

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