The training last week exposed me to a lot of very smart, independent, accomplished and like-minded women. I was amazed at the collective potential in the room. From TLs of some of Google’s most successful products to PMs, to SWEs to people like me. It was hard not to feel the Impostor Syndrome in a room full of amazing achievers. But there was something common amongst all of us. We were all women. We were all a minority in the tech world. And we were all trying so hard to prove ourselves every single day.
The training was a great avenue for networking with some awesome leaders and some aspiring talent at Google. Other than the obvious benefits of such a course, I experienced a personal revelation while I was in the class.
I just don’t trust women. There you go – I just said it. It is very controversial to say something like this in a public space. But I admit. I don’t trust women. I don’t trust a word they say. I don’t trust their intentions. And I don’t trust that they care about each other as deeply as they should. Now this might be the case since my experience with women has been colored this way. Or that I hold my women to a higher standard. I don’t know what it is.
In almost ten years of my professional life, I have come across two women who stood out. One was my counselor at Deloitte and the other SVP at Salesforce. I consider that shameful. But again, it is possible that I have lofty expectations. And because of a few bad experiences, I just gave up on the entire population of women.
As a result of this training, I feel like I need to give it another chance. I might not make the best of friends by opening up the gates. But I don’t need to be so guarded in front of other women. I don’t know what I will be doing differently to act on this revelation. But I know that I want to change the perception that I have lived with for more than a decade, which might be quite contrasting to the reality.
I hope the sisters of womanhood will prove me right this time 😀
Shivi 