Going back to work

Dear Tara,

Now you are eight weeks old. Well almost nine. Your Mum is a little anal about thinking ahead. Not to say that I don’t live in the moment. I do. But I like to look ahead and plan for it. It works for me. I don’t mind surprises. But I don’t like to miss an opportunity to plan ahead of time, if given a chance. 
Now why this prologue? Since I am planning on working out a schedule for you, Daddy and me over the next two months so that we can all ease into a lifestyle that we will have to follow once I get back to work. 
Now that is an interesting topic..”going back to work”.  Let us just clear the air on that one early.

 I am a fiercely competent worker and I like that about my self. It is a part of my identity. And an important part of it. One that I am not willing to give up on. Not until I really have to. I am a good driver for projects and plans and an enabler for my teams and it gives me happiness to be that, in addition to being a wife, a daughter, a sister and now a Mom. I can contribute in more ways than one to this world. And may be for now I am just contributing to an organization’s financial success. But who knows someday this momentum will take me longer and further.

But none of this means that I love you less or my work is more important to me. It isn’t. And it will never be. But it helps me be who I am and hence we both will be much happier if Mom can go back to work. If life has some other plans for us, we will of course find a new path, but for now, this is where things are at.

 Think of it this way, for me to make you happy I have to be happy. And for me to be happy I have to take care of myself. My work is how I take care of myself. It is how I stimulate my mind to do creative things. My mind needs that stimulation or it tends to fall into the the trap of “I am miserable”. You don’t want a mom who feels miserable about herself. She will only teach you to be the same.

 Now if we were living in Kansas and if I put on my “do it the right way” hat – I’d perhaps think of taking at least a year off and raise you by myself. But I know that that will not be enough. You will grow up soon and get bored of sitting around in the house with me and most importantly you will not learn to be others. That is the top most skill in your Mom’s book of the world. You have to learn to deal and play with others.

Additionally, if I quit I won’t be able to provide for you the way I would if Dad and I are both earning. We will need more resources as you grow up and to provide for that I need to get back to work. I am not going to say that I want to give all that my parents could not give me. That won’t be true. Because my parents gave me a lot more time than Dad and I will be able to give you. They lived in simpler times and made simpler choices. We my dear, live in a complex world. And it is only going to become more and more complex as you grow up.

I know you will one day understand this. And I don’t have to explain this to anyone but you. For now just know that you are loved and cherished by all of us and your upbringing is our top priority for the rest of our lives.


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