Step Up

Four years back when I shared with a distant friend that I was planning to get married, she said – “oh so you have decided to give in to domesticity.” I was hurt. Out of all the associations that come to my mind when I think of the word marriage, domesticity was somehow not one of them. I did not give in to domesticity, but over time I did give up on my relationship with that friend,

Marriage to me is a verb – an act of sharing my life for now and hopefully forever with a man that I love. It is not a state as my friend had described it to be. Fortunately I did not have to change any part of me, or give up on any of my wills and fancies in order to stay married for the last four years. For me marriage was an act of stepping up from my immaturity and taking on a role that is larger than just ‘I’. It is the act of stepping up to face life together as “Us” and keeping the balance between the Us and the I as we walk along.

Today, I am delighted to share that Agam and are stepping up one more time to take on the role of parents. We are expecting our lil angel to arrive in December; and change our lives forever, for good.

Of course this step up requires a lil more than just love to master it. In a marriage you can always talk your problems out. A wise man once said to me – as long as you are communicating, you are fine. But that advice won’t work here, since it will be a lil while before we can talk it out with our lil one. So until then we will have to master the art of decoding her language.

Once again, I have had people come and tell me “Are you ready for the big change?”. I have also been told that this event will change our lives like we have never imagined. And all I have to say is that I have lived my life to the fullest up until now and even though the next few years might keep me grounded attending to our lil angel’s care, I am as ready as I will ever be for this new phase to begin. And Agam shares that feeling with me. The variables in our “Us” have increased and we feel fortunate to be trusted with the task for rebalancing the equation, once again.

The moment I sit down to write, my head gets clouded these days. But I will keep at it, even though it will be slow and not so very lyrical –

Its time to change things a little and put away that coffee cup
Time to sit back and whistle until the time is up
It’s just a matter of few more months…
And then.. soon.. she will be here – occupying our minds.
Filling our heart with love we never knew existed and with anxieties we won’t be able to hide
It’s time to look back and wonder, how all this happened so fast
I was like her, not so long ago… and here I am prepping for her arrival
In a blink of an eye I can relive the life I have lived so far.
Only, to make sure I keep my hard drive empty for all that is to come.
It is like closing some books, finishing some chapters and looking ahead.
It is a strange feeling to know that although there is yet a lot to be accomplished, the very definition of those accomplishments will change.
I worry not how she will be when she grows up, but I worry if I will be a good parent to her.
I only have my upbringing to refer to and perhaps a handful of parenting books
Will I know what’s right for her? Will she know that is my intention?
Wow that’s a lot of questions..

I have always believed that life is fun when you have a lot of unanswered questions to solve for..We will have our plate full for a while now..  🙂

Wish us luck!

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