a happy place

I am sorry I have not been writing. The apology is to myself of course. I have other thought cleansing agents around me these days and lately it has been a little bit difficult to find  time to write. I wake up at 6:00am MTWF and at 7:30 on Th. Thus if I am not in bed by 10pm and knocked out by 10:30, I end up depriving my body of sleep. So I promised myself to write every Friday since I don’t have to go to work on Saturday. That is a bad idea since I am out Friday nights and since I wake up at 6:00am I am all exhausted by 10:30pm. Its like watching the air go out of a balloon. I seriously imagine it like that in my head. Maybe I should pick a better analogy than an inflated balloon though.

About moments that mattered. Oh there are always plenty. And even though I am not writing them down everyday, I am recording them in the pockets of my tiny head and today morning (ugh creature of habit, I am up at 7) I ran a quick pattern analyzer on that data that I have been uploading all this week. I think it is a good exercise. This pattern analyzer.

My reports this morning were pretty consistent with my feelings this week. I love the people I work with. And given that I spend 55-60 hours a week around them I derive a lot of pleasure and happiness from my work environment. At times I have questioned my own shark mentality, and that of my company too. But these sharks are fun and full of life. So go sharky!

A few highlights –

I met someone at work who reminded me of my old world. We got talking about a universe of things and I realized once again, “once a consultant – always a consultant”. The hard core, “I wanna know all and fix all shit” attitude was super refreshing. I could see myself thinking more naturally and clearly in his company. That’s what made that meeting a momentous one.

Giggles and laughter is my medicine to any problem. And no matter how tense the environment, if I can break the ice, induce a giggle, crack a laughter, that makes me happy. And I hope it makes everyone around me happy. I had numerous meetings where a silent pause was interjected with loud laugh. And those were moments when I knew that the stress muscle around our shoulder and neck area that gets all tensed up, felt a tug of love. And even if it was a for a few seconds, the muscle relaxed and rejoiced the moment.

One of the things I am good at is persistence. (Well depends on who you ask. Never ask Agam what he thinks of my persistence. I push it too far sometimes.) And what I have learnt as part of learning about persistence is that you cannot persist if you cannot laugh at yourself and smile at the worst of the outcomes. You simply won’t survive the game that long without it. And sometimes in those goofy moments when I am pressing on with a topic, I deliver the most ominous of the messages. Some people know me by now and keep an eye out for that. I just blush when I get caught. It happened to me on a phone call on Friday with a colleague. She caught where I was going before I even landed there. But the end was momentous. I wish I could record her words and the way she said it , “sweetie for all the love you give, I’ll spare you this sin”.

And now for the last one – the winning stroke —

I am a sucker for pep talk. And I get my dose of that from time to time. Yesterday was one such day. I heart how I can so transparently ask any question and seek help on any area of growth. I just open my big mouth and ask. And I get golden nuggets of knowledge and wisdom. And sometimes tear jerker stories too. In one such meeting yesterday I went from being a shark swimming in pacific ocean to a lone survivor on an island, to being a creeper whose intellectual curiosities run wide and deep, to being an unstoppable force that just keeps going to being a multiplier and then in the end I was given a pair of wings to go fly. I love it when someone tries to know me inside out and is not afraid to read out to me who I should know I am. I feel good when I see someone investing their trust and time in me. And that is all I need to give them my loyalty.

I don’t know how I ended up where I am today, but it is a very happy place.

On a side note —

My week started with logging out of FB on all browsers and devices across my gadget portfolio. I feared loneliness. But found no trace of it. Or let me put it this way – I did not miss it. I am not a passive bystander in any situation, so I cannot be the one who sneaks online reads what’s going on in everyone’s lives, keep my life private, go back to my shell and then sneak on again after a week. For me it is all in or all out. If you don’t contribute, don’t consume. That was the whole philosophy around blogging I have shared earlier. I think I still have blogger and Economist app connected to FB and I don’t intend to remove that. People should read good stuff 😉 (yeah that includes this blog post). If you want to connect – email me.

Welcome Fall.. I have been waiting for you!

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