Uncharming loser

After a very long time a wish that I had harbored for a few weeks was denied. And hence I am crying like a baby. I am as unhappy as one can ever be. I feel dejected and I am full of contempt and I am listening to very loud music that is hurting my ears but somehow making me feel better within. There is no logic to any of this. But the bottom line is that I am a very uncharming loser.

I am putting up a brave front and laughing at destiny but it troubles me how much I am allowing this rejection to impact me. Unfulfilled ambitions hurt the most. And I know it is only a matter of time that another opportunity will knock again. But I am being immature and a drama queen and I don’t appreciate any of those responses.

Why we let such setbacks impact us so much? Simply because we associate too much importance to silly ambitions? These ambitions steer us away from our larger goals in life. But they are all that is measurable, achievable and tangible anyways.. What a conflict!!

I feel like that favorite child who was not the first to get the candy in the house.  But then what am I  complaining about? I have seen the worst, been to the deepest pit of sadness and this one is just a small scratch. Not even a dent.


I wish I was not ambitious. I would have been a happier person then. But I cannot help it. These are the cards I’ve been dealt with and I have to play with them. How do you turn off ambition? How does one get turned off by opportunity? How does one be satisfied with what you have (not materially, but professionally)? I have no idea how to answer any of these questions. I am just a bundle of contempt and negative emotions right now. 

We need to steer this boat in the opposite direction…a good meal will do it perhaps 😀

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