When I woke up from a short nap on Sunday afternoon, I found an eye lash sitting on my cheek. As kids we had this silly gimmick; if you see an eye lash on your cheek, then put it on the back of your palm, and make a wish. If the eyes lash vanishes when you blow it, then your wish will come true. If the eye lash is stuck to the skin, too bad, wait for another one it all sounds so silly now. Sigh !
On Sunday when I found the eye lash, I was reminded of all the silly little things I used to wish for when I was young. It used to be a mixed bag of things I wanted or desired and hence wished for. And then I was struck by a terrible feeling that these days I don’t even have a wish to ask for!! Have I stopped wishing and dreaming? May be not, but I have definitely lost track of my fervor.
More thinking on these lines made me revisit my day’s schedule. I realized that suddenly I am not doing the things I know I like and enjoy. When you follow something passionately, you set expectations with yourself and start making short term and long term goals. But the activities I used to be passionate about have simply vanished from my routine, and lately I have been thinking a lot about how I let it happen. So here is a list.
Read NY Times – Maureen Dawd, Gail Collins, Paul Krugman, David Brooks and other fun columnists. I read the Times daily. Not miss a single day of coverage. I am not doing that anymore.
Work Out – get that 45 minute out for myself. The only place I can zone in and out of reality (depending on the music).
Write my observations. Not really blog posts, but pointers for my blog posts and general contemplation.
Read a book. Live another life. Dream! Aspire.
Watch a movie on Netflix with Agam. Again, living another life, dreaming, visiting places and situations virtually.
Cook – I don’t like the taste of what I cook anymore. I am always cooking multiple things at a time and don’t focus on one dish.
IM Conversation with friends. I don’t reply to people when they IM me. I am either too involved in something and miss their messages or I just feel that I don’t have time to carry out a conversation.
Lastly, but more importantly – wanting more from life. And this ties back to the lack of wishes in my kitty.
I cannot blame it all on work. Yes it is the most time consuming part of my day. But even when things are a little relaxed at work, I indulge in self gratification and kick back and do nothing. Nothing wrong with it. But I miss myself and my routine and the things I loved, that helped me wish!
Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far – Behind me.