Was I prepared ?

I have always done things EARLY in life. So when it came to parting with my father – I had to this also very early. I cannot fathom that I only got to spend some 25 years of consciousness with him. That is roughly a third of my life. The remaining 2/3rd of my life will be spent missing him. Is this destiny? Perhaps. I have learnt so much from him, and even now, after he is gone, there is so much learning – in just how he died. 

I can write a book on my Dad – what I learnt from him. The key moments – when his words ended up changing my life. I can keep writing about him and his beliefs. How he dealt with people – all sorts of people. How he dealt with money – less or more. How he dealt with me – my confusion on what is a need and what is a desire. And I will someday – put it all down. I will write for him. And that is how my kids will know him. All promises and resolutions we make when tragedy strikes – and then we move on with life. It is all very strange if you ask me – my mind is divided in two camps – grief and duty. More about it someday else. For now – I am growing up.

On a similar note. God prepares you for things, and then he tests you – only when you pass his test – does he throw you into the fire. A few days before Papa’s transition, a close friend of mine was dealing with a series of deaths in her family. This is what I wrote on her blog. I stand by this even today. I have lost my father. But just as one of all time favorite class teacher, Ms Pallavi Rao said, “He could not be closer to me than he is now.”


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